Thursday, May 03, 2012

heya, i know some of you are wondering what i am thinking about the show.....i know some of you were prob disappointed with how i looked, and i will tell you i am VERY dissapointed with how i looked. I knew going in, i was not where i needed to be, and i continued to battle pulling out right up until the day before. But i chose to do it as it felt like the better option than to not do it AGAIN. Over the last few years i've really struggled to get all the way there and this was no exception but i decided to go all the way despite being unhappy with how i looked. Why did i not look good?? well, there's a few factors in that equation and the biggest being i really kinda fell apart at the end. First of my prep went well, but as it got close things didn't go well, at all. Anyway, its just really disappointing, not because i placed last but bc i was not happy with how i looked and know i could have looked sooo much better. I don't think you or i will ever get to witness me looking better tho, as i really don't think i will try endure that again. Its not for everyone and for some people, like me, it throws me so off balance and unhappy and its not enjoyable. And now after the show, here i am much worse off then i was before, feeling bad, lost and just stuffing my sorrows with too much food! :( I know gaining all the weight back only makes me feel worse but this is what happens when i'm so so out of balance and unhappy! Neway, now i will keep tryin now to find my way back and try to restore my life and get happier. you can see more pics from show on my facebook page, xo thanks for all ur kind words and support through it all Cindy